finding elsewhere.

27th june, 2024.

i’ve never felt so stupid in my life. the person whose name i’ve been longing to see flash across my screen finally did. and it was to tell me he has a girlfriend.

i don’t think i can breathe. i don’t think i want to.

i am a boat without sails. a bike without wheels. a kite with no string. i have memories of him in places he’s never been.

oh, god. he’s making her coffee in bed. handing her the same t-shirt he gave me. he’s telling her about deller. opening up art is magic and turning the pages with his cheek pressed on hers.

heartbreak feels like a cold tiled floor. sounds like the fumbling of a lighter as you light the cigarette you swore you’d never smoke again.

whilst i’ve been crying myself to sleep, he’s been fucking her. whilst i’ve been daydreaming about our reunion, he’s been sending her the same songs he sent me.

i can’t believe he’s fallen in love and i can’t believe it’s not with me.

i hope i grow to hate him.