finding elsewhere.

the compulsion to use my body as a means of self harm sometimes grows insurmountable.

diet, exercise, drugs, sex, smoking.

i find it impossible to be entirely sober with no external stimulation that keeps me company. or that can transmute the burning hot intensity of existing into something less sharp.

i wonder how everyone else feels inside their body.

mine is forever moaning. sometimes in agony. sometimes in ecstasy.

but always moaning.

the chatter starts in my brain + the conversation makes its way through every atom, ending at my toes. sometimes i’ll feel a jolt of panic and every atom gasps at the same time, hitting their heads on skin or bone.

life is kaleidoscopic. god shakes + turns the aperture + i change, too. it is impossible for me not to evolve. the speed feels breakneck. the expanse ever widening . i feel like i know everything + nothing.

the serpentine coils of knowledge + ignorance winding round my neck.