finding elsewhere.

28th september, 2024

i am aware i am totally solipsistic in my view. and ovulating. which explains the deep urge to be torn limb from limb. the desire to create and the desire to destroy pushing the pendulum back and forth to one another. the crown on my head catching two different types of light.

i am here, but i am not quite.

i spiral out of control, plunging into the open mouth of the abyss where i feel most at home. the darkness, velvety and soft. the quiet, calm and comforting.

my skin changes colour to a silvery purple. and now i am green. all of my toes fall off and i am laughing. the shadows plait my hair and tell me how pretty i am. i don’t miss anybody when i am down here because i am merely a suggestion. a provocation of thought. i am someone else’s idea. i am exactly how they perceive me. every inch the version of me they have in their head. i am alien. i am strange. i am bursting out of the darkness to visit you in your dreams. i am under your bed. i am the words in between. and i must admit i like the darkness. i like how it feels to be one of them because i am no longer scared. and we mean no harm. we are great admirers of yours.

but someone left the door unlocked and now i have the key. i swallow it down and laugh as it splashes in my belly. i glow from the inside out. inhaling myself into an infinite number eight. i am cartwheeling around a clock, kicking numbers off its shiny face one by one. my chin under my collar bone, transformed into an exclamation mark.